That Moment...

There comes a time in everyone's life when there is this "AH HA!" moment. Some bring good ah ha's, some bring bad ah ha's. Its all about how you go from that moment that means the most.

If it is health related, emotional related, etc - there are all different ways to deal with it. But you need to keep some fear in it all, but its also about picking yourself up and going "Okay. I got this" ; Even if it is the best ah ha moment you have had.

I have always had a dream of my life, I would go to college, get an amazing job, find the love of my life, get married, buy a house, have kids and live a happy life.
Well, college didn't happen. Got a good job, but ended up leaving said job because I got pregnant and became a full time mom. Things don't always go according to dreams and plans, and you have to learn to adjust to it, even if it breaks your heart or builds it up.

For the moments I have, good or bad, I can best get through them with writing and listening to music. A lot of my struggles and success do not get published. They are written but never published because sometimes the people who you think care the most about you are the ones who will stab you and smile at your struggles and frown on your success. Though, I know some of what I have gone through might help those who are going through the same thing, I have never really thought I could help anyone or guide anyone. Hell, I celebrate that the kids are still in one piece when I lay them down to bed every night.

My kids...
Oh my god my kids. Want to talk about a reason for being and living and striving to do the best you ever can? They are my reason. The sun rises and sets with them for me, and though they drive me absolutely nuts, I love them with every part of my being. That's another reason why I know I have to keep the "Okay, I got this" mentality. I refuse to fail them, though sometimes I know I do I always try not to. Sometimes a fail cannot be avoided, but I try my best and they still love me for it.

You need to keep all options open and move forward or change direction if a door gets slammed in your face.
I am not a very religious person for various reasons, but I know that there is a plan and you are strong enough to live the life you were given as long as you don't give up.

Well, I'm not giving up and I am holding my head high and pushing forward, no just for me, but mainly for my kids.

I will drive myself insane

Yes, Yes I am going to drive myself insane.
My build up in my mind is still so heavy, not to mention I am trying to move it out.
Music isn't helping, cooking isn't, baking isn't, writing isn't even helping.

I feel alone in my thoughts.

I am such a... Eh I dont even know

Okay, So I know I don't come off as the romantic type. Hell, I love video games, horror and action flicks, super heroes, etc. I am a tough ass mama bear and love my kids to death...but that doesn't mean that I don't have a romantic streak haha.
I know what you are thinking, "Okay, where is this going now"
Well, I don't know to tell you the truth.
I have been quite dizty here lately. A lot of random thoughts going in and out almost all day long.
So, Im just gunna type em out.
Here we go.

Why didn't I get a romantic recorded proposal? Oh yeah, that's right. Cause I never wanted one until I saw a ton of them being done.
Why am I such a city/jersey girl, but want a rustic, simple bbq wedding?
Why am I so desperate to have a baby girl?
Why do I get over worried about things?
Why is it when I sit down, I become maniac and need to get moving again?
Whyyyyy on earth do people see the need to insert themselves into my life to only screw me over?
Why do I forgive to easily?
Is common sense really that hard to come by?
WHYYYY ON GODS GREEN EARTH DOES EVERYONE THINK THAT EVERY MOTHER WANTS THEIR ADVICE WHEN THEY DONT EVEN HAVE KIDS?!
Why is it a problem that I swear in front of my kids?
Why give me dirty looks? It wont make you any prettier, or smarter, or thinner.
WHY try and out do me?
How can parents see something wrong with their kids but be SOOO self involved that they just let it go?
Why do you think I am stupid and don't know whats going on?
Why have kids if you don't wanna take care of them?

Oh, these are only some of the things rattling in my head right now.
There is more, but it delves into things that I don't feel like arguing about with ignorant people, not saying everyone is ignorant, and if anyone has any insight, Id love to hear it, but I know some people who get to hurt about what is posted even if their name isn't in it. I think that's a guilty conscious and usually I don't care if I hit a cord or offend someone, but...tonight...Just don't have the energy to deal with it.

Save Mr. Biggs

Save Mr. Biggs

This is for my cousin Matts best friend/dog/furrychild ; however you refer to your pet. To me, "pets" are family.