Cheerio Bandit

Looking at Daddy with the death stare...
Both Reilly and Maximus wanting some of his cheerios.
Maximus is the dog.. Lol
Reilly is the party animal 1 year old.

Its little moments like this I will miss when I am at work.

Not to mention late night walks with Maximus and Reilly because lord knows he will scream his head off if he isn't outside with us, that is unless he is asleep which strange enough his bed time is getting later and later not by our choice.

And Maximus, oh my Maximus, my shoe chewing spiteful Maximus who jumps in the bed with me after Josh leaves for work.

And My Maddox boy, begging for Mommy to read the Lorax to him. He doesn't show it much but I know he is going to miss me and I know I will miss him. And Ill miss hearing about his Skylanders and the movie he is watching or any other game he is playing.

My boys are my world. Sappy post, I know.

Today I sat and wrote all the numbers, info, tid bits, suggestions, etc to get through the day for Grandma aka GiGi.

Tomorrow starts the new chapter.
I start back to work after a 5 year break of being a stay at home mom.
I know Maddox is only 4 but I actually left work Nov 20th when I was still pregnant due to pre-term labor due to stress at work.

Soon we will be signing our lease, soon we will be moving, soon Mimi will be down here.

Things are looking up

How do I make the switch?

Okay, so tomorrow I do it. I take the plunge.
I am, after 5 years, going back to work.

I am going from full time stay at home mommy to now working full time mommy. This is one of the hardest transitions I can ever imagine. I am going to miss my boys so damn much it is crazy.
Yes they drive me bat shit crazy sometimes but god do I love those boys.
I don't even know where to begin with how to explain it to my oldest. Yeah he is in school three days a week but I know Monday and Tuesday he will be without me.

I know its not like I am going away forever but for him, he has never known me to work and Reilly is still so young.

I guess I will take it one day at time


Any advice?
Comment below

That Moment...

There comes a time in everyone's life when there is this "AH HA!" moment. Some bring good ah ha's, some bring bad ah ha's. Its all about how you go from that moment that means the most.

If it is health related, emotional related, etc - there are all different ways to deal with it. But you need to keep some fear in it all, but its also about picking yourself up and going "Okay. I got this" ; Even if it is the best ah ha moment you have had.

I have always had a dream of my life, I would go to college, get an amazing job, find the love of my life, get married, buy a house, have kids and live a happy life.
Well, college didn't happen. Got a good job, but ended up leaving said job because I got pregnant and became a full time mom. Things don't always go according to dreams and plans, and you have to learn to adjust to it, even if it breaks your heart or builds it up.

For the moments I have, good or bad, I can best get through them with writing and listening to music. A lot of my struggles and success do not get published. They are written but never published because sometimes the people who you think care the most about you are the ones who will stab you and smile at your struggles and frown on your success. Though, I know some of what I have gone through might help those who are going through the same thing, I have never really thought I could help anyone or guide anyone. Hell, I celebrate that the kids are still in one piece when I lay them down to bed every night.

My kids...
Oh my god my kids. Want to talk about a reason for being and living and striving to do the best you ever can? They are my reason. The sun rises and sets with them for me, and though they drive me absolutely nuts, I love them with every part of my being. That's another reason why I know I have to keep the "Okay, I got this" mentality. I refuse to fail them, though sometimes I know I do I always try not to. Sometimes a fail cannot be avoided, but I try my best and they still love me for it.

You need to keep all options open and move forward or change direction if a door gets slammed in your face.
I am not a very religious person for various reasons, but I know that there is a plan and you are strong enough to live the life you were given as long as you don't give up.

Well, I'm not giving up and I am holding my head high and pushing forward, no just for me, but mainly for my kids.

I will drive myself insane

Yes, Yes I am going to drive myself insane.
My build up in my mind is still so heavy, not to mention I am trying to move it out.
Music isn't helping, cooking isn't, baking isn't, writing isn't even helping.

I feel alone in my thoughts.

I am such a... Eh I dont even know

Okay, So I know I don't come off as the romantic type. Hell, I love video games, horror and action flicks, super heroes, etc. I am a tough ass mama bear and love my kids to death...but that doesn't mean that I don't have a romantic streak haha.
I know what you are thinking, "Okay, where is this going now"
Well, I don't know to tell you the truth.
I have been quite dizty here lately. A lot of random thoughts going in and out almost all day long.
So, Im just gunna type em out.
Here we go.

Why didn't I get a romantic recorded proposal? Oh yeah, that's right. Cause I never wanted one until I saw a ton of them being done.
Why am I such a city/jersey girl, but want a rustic, simple bbq wedding?
Why am I so desperate to have a baby girl?
Why do I get over worried about things?
Why is it when I sit down, I become maniac and need to get moving again?
Whyyyyy on earth do people see the need to insert themselves into my life to only screw me over?
Why do I forgive to easily?
Is common sense really that hard to come by?
WHYYYY ON GODS GREEN EARTH DOES EVERYONE THINK THAT EVERY MOTHER WANTS THEIR ADVICE WHEN THEY DONT EVEN HAVE KIDS?!
Why is it a problem that I swear in front of my kids?
Why give me dirty looks? It wont make you any prettier, or smarter, or thinner.
WHY try and out do me?
How can parents see something wrong with their kids but be SOOO self involved that they just let it go?
Why do you think I am stupid and don't know whats going on?
Why have kids if you don't wanna take care of them?

Oh, these are only some of the things rattling in my head right now.
There is more, but it delves into things that I don't feel like arguing about with ignorant people, not saying everyone is ignorant, and if anyone has any insight, Id love to hear it, but I know some people who get to hurt about what is posted even if their name isn't in it. I think that's a guilty conscious and usually I don't care if I hit a cord or offend someone, but...tonight...Just don't have the energy to deal with it.

Save Mr. Biggs

Save Mr. Biggs

This is for my cousin Matts best friend/dog/furrychild ; however you refer to your pet. To me, "pets" are family.

So I haven't really blogged much but that's because there really hasn't been anything to say until today. Today ended my Moms 2 week mini vacation down here and though I know she is coming back and moving here in September I still have so many tears rolling down my face. I am feeling in a total funk and even though it was crowded having her, my grandma and her two dogs here, the place now echos in emptiness.
Maddox took it hard and of course went back and forth with Mom for at least 10 minutes about how he wanted her to stay and if she couldn't stay he wanted to go with her. It ripped my heart out of my chest to see my little boy so upset that his Mimi once again had to leave him and drive 13 hours home. Reilly just cried but that's because he cannot speak much right now due to him only being 15 months old.
I owe my kids such an apology because today, I have not been a good mom. I myself have been very sad and dealing with the fact I am so far from my Mom and my Grandma. I hate it so much. I have been short tempered and have cried with every 5 minute cigg break I have taken.
Sometimes I feel like this sadness will get the best of me and the lonely feeling I have will not go away. Its hard to explain. Its hard to even show because I try to be so strong for the kids so I don't make it harder on them.

Family is such an important thing in our lives. And though sometimes family is not blood it is still family and a part of you. My Mom and Grandma are my blood and after so much resentment I have had and how much I always wanted to be on my own, there is nothing better then curling up in my Moms lap, even at the age of 24.
I hope that my kids feel that same way when they get older. We take so much for granted sometimes and we are not always kind to our family but, family is family and you don't turn your back on them or harden your heart,  even if for some reason they do it to you.

I didn't have an ideal childhood. I moved around more than I can count and I went through things I probably never should of but it has shaped me into who I am.

Long story short, love with all your heart even more when its family. Sure you get mad and might speak out of anger and lose touch but, love is love and sometimes, that is all that matters and is more valuable than anything else.

Friend? Enemy? I dont give a damn.

Let me just set something straight, I don't give a damn if you are my friend, my enemy, or my acquaintance. I don't care if you like me, love me, envy me, or hate me. I don't care if you stalk me, talk shit about me, or forget about me.

What I DO give a damn about is when someone is running their mouth, spitting shit out that I suppose ably have said that isn't true. I DO give a damn when someone puts words in MY mouth. I DO give a damn when you judge me because I sin differently then you.

I have NEVER claimed to be perfect or live the perfect life, but let me tell you something, I do whatever I can for my kids. I ALWAYS put them first. They come before anything. I do stay loyal to my friends till the fucking end, even if they don't believe it or think because we haven't talked in forever I just wont keep my mouth shut.

I have ALWAYS tried to keep my bitch side under control, I have buried my "Jay Vicious" side, but from what I have been seeing and hearing, its about time for her to come back out. I am done with petty stupid shit and lies. I am done.

You can talk all the shit you want of "Oh, she is so fat" or "She is so ugly" or "She thinks she is better than me" or "She thinks she is entitled"

Well guess what, Just by you talking that shit, makes me better than you.
Even on my worse day when I am so pissed off, I still hold my tongue and bite it till it bleeds to keep negativity away and out of my life. I don't do drama.
And the ONLY shit talking I do is to myself when I work out or when I play video games.


Bitches need to raise their fucking standards for themselves now a days.

I am not mother of the year, but I am one bad ass mama in my kids eyes.

So, I have recently gotten some back lash off of my little adventure to Memphis to see Machine Gun Kelly, and the fact that I let my kids listen to him. Last time I checked, I was the Mom that NEVER goes out. That is always with her kids. I do more finger painting and hide and seek playing then I do going out, so excuse me for enjoying ONE night. ONE night in many, many months where I can go and have an adult beverage and listen to some music and road trip it while laughing the whole time. I don't for a second take away from my children's childhood and I definitely DONT pawn them off on other people every chance I get. I actually need to PLAN my ONE night at least a month or two in avance. And who the fuck do people think they are judging me for the music I let my kids listen to?! Oh no, he curses. Well, dang, then my kids shouldn't listen to me either since I curse. Everyone raises their kids their own way. I raise mine to believe in their imagination, to play hard and to cuddle. I raise them to express themselves. My son plays his vita, his ps3, AND he still prefers to go outside and ride his bike or his power wheel or draw with chalk. TV and video games didn't ruin him, and letting him listen to MGK isn't going to ruin him either. SO what if my kid can rap along with one of his favorite artists? MGK isn't the ONLY music he listens to. He still loves jumping around to the Imagination Movers, and he likes to sing that dang Macklemoore song about shopping in thrift shops. He likes to "party rock" and shake his butt too. But, the look he gets when he vibes to MGK, and starts to rap to his favorite parts, that, that tells me I am doing a good job as a parent because he is able to express himself. He can listen to the music he wants, and I am not pushing him into anything. I was always pushed into things and I hated it. Everyone talks about raising better kids for the future and what they think it is. How about we let the kids pick something? Why cant we let them shape their future and us be there to support them when need be and help pick them up when they fall. Everyone worries about their kids growing up to be serial killers, and not enough worry that they are not letting their kids grow up to their fullest dreams. My little man right now wants to be a Super Hero. I made him a cape and told him he can touch the stars. Someone I know, their little boy said they wanted to be a lawyer, and all the mother said was "Don't set yourself up for failure. You don't know if you will be smart enough for that" .... EXCUSE ME. Why talk down to your kid like that??
LET THEM BE YOUNG
LET THEM HAVE IMAGINATIONS
AND FOR FUCKS SAKE,
Quit sweating the small shit.

If you think for ONE minute that when they get to school they will not be exposed to all these "bad" things, think again.

Our children will make their own choices as they get older.

Question is, are you going to support and help them grow, or are you going to stunt their growth and make them feel trapped.

Pictures

Somebody's got a case of the Mondays.

Somebody's
Got
A
Case
Of
The
Mondays.....
                                                                                                  and it's me.


Mondays suck anyway, but when you are a week away from April, and it is snowing, it sucks even more. Plus, there is nothing on TV for the littles. Since the older kids are on Spring Break, all of the usual Disney Jr shows we watch were cut short. Not that I mind, I can only handle so much Mickey and Doc McStuffins, etc. Its not like I care that I have to watch movies all day, my kids have a great selection of movies thanks to their Mimi.
Mondays are the longest day of the week. Josh works late and the littles get antsy for him to get home.
Monday means cleaning after a weekend of laziness. Man, I hate cleaning. It makes me wish there were robots who could clean and cook for us.
I have searched and searched everywhere for ways to make cleaning fun and make it seem less like a hassle and so far, total bust. Seems like the only "fun" thing about it is putting in my headphones and jamming to music. Even then it still sucks.

Only good thing about Mondays?
TV.
Bones.
The Following.
Bates Motel.

Yeah.

Cute

                                                    Oh my goodness. I love these boys.

I have lost my mind, and I'm pretty sure the kids took it.

So, I have been pondering over the past few days, "What do people want to hear about? Funny stories? Recipes? Cleaning? Adventures?" And I realized, there is no real set answer. So I am just going to wing it. Not sugar coat it, just be me, and if I get readers great, if not, then oh well.

So let me start with a simple introduction.

My name is Jacy and it is pronounced Jackie. I was born in 1988, so I am a young mom but
I am not your typical mom. I curse, I have tattoos, I am pierced and I am out spoken. I have two boys. Maddox Allen who was born on February 4th of 2009 and Reilly Cordell who was born February 4th of 2012. No, it was not planned. They might be exactly 3 years, 5 hours and 2 minutes apart but they could not be any more different. Maddox is my wild child, and Reilly is my old soul who is calm.

Now, when I say I have lost my mind and I am pretty sure the kids took it, it is simple. My kids, love their little hearts, know every which way to push Mommys buttons. Weither it is Maddox throwing a tantrum over me not getting him chocolate milk right at that minute, or Reilly refusing to take a nap, they know what to do to make Mommy crazy. I know, I know, how can your sweet blessings get the best of you?! Well, when you are with them pretty much 24/7 it is very possible. Im a stay at home mom. I live and breath my kids except for when they are sleeping. Between the kid music, the cartoons, the countless amount of laundry and washing sip cups and making dinner plus cleaning, I am surprised I am not a size 2!

We have a little puppy as well, his name is Max. He is an Aussie Shepard. He is a trouble maker but such a lover with the kids. He is 5 months old so he is still a baby himself.

Now, I don't want this to be a total Mommy blog, this will be more of a life blog. Yeah most of it will be about my kids, but I am going to blog about other things too. Adventures, recipes, the dog, house hunting, so much more too.

This is a short post, but as life goes, sometimes you just gotta post and run.
Hope everyone has a great Friday!