So I haven't really blogged much but that's because there really hasn't been anything to say until today. Today ended my Moms 2 week mini vacation down here and though I know she is coming back and moving here in September I still have so many tears rolling down my face. I am feeling in a total funk and even though it was crowded having her, my grandma and her two dogs here, the place now echos in emptiness.
Maddox took it hard and of course went back and forth with Mom for at least 10 minutes about how he wanted her to stay and if she couldn't stay he wanted to go with her. It ripped my heart out of my chest to see my little boy so upset that his Mimi once again had to leave him and drive 13 hours home. Reilly just cried but that's because he cannot speak much right now due to him only being 15 months old.
I owe my kids such an apology because today, I have not been a good mom. I myself have been very sad and dealing with the fact I am so far from my Mom and my Grandma. I hate it so much. I have been short tempered and have cried with every 5 minute cigg break I have taken.
Sometimes I feel like this sadness will get the best of me and the lonely feeling I have will not go away. Its hard to explain. Its hard to even show because I try to be so strong for the kids so I don't make it harder on them.

Family is such an important thing in our lives. And though sometimes family is not blood it is still family and a part of you. My Mom and Grandma are my blood and after so much resentment I have had and how much I always wanted to be on my own, there is nothing better then curling up in my Moms lap, even at the age of 24.
I hope that my kids feel that same way when they get older. We take so much for granted sometimes and we are not always kind to our family but, family is family and you don't turn your back on them or harden your heart,  even if for some reason they do it to you.

I didn't have an ideal childhood. I moved around more than I can count and I went through things I probably never should of but it has shaped me into who I am.

Long story short, love with all your heart even more when its family. Sure you get mad and might speak out of anger and lose touch but, love is love and sometimes, that is all that matters and is more valuable than anything else.

Friend? Enemy? I dont give a damn.

Let me just set something straight, I don't give a damn if you are my friend, my enemy, or my acquaintance. I don't care if you like me, love me, envy me, or hate me. I don't care if you stalk me, talk shit about me, or forget about me.

What I DO give a damn about is when someone is running their mouth, spitting shit out that I suppose ably have said that isn't true. I DO give a damn when someone puts words in MY mouth. I DO give a damn when you judge me because I sin differently then you.

I have NEVER claimed to be perfect or live the perfect life, but let me tell you something, I do whatever I can for my kids. I ALWAYS put them first. They come before anything. I do stay loyal to my friends till the fucking end, even if they don't believe it or think because we haven't talked in forever I just wont keep my mouth shut.

I have ALWAYS tried to keep my bitch side under control, I have buried my "Jay Vicious" side, but from what I have been seeing and hearing, its about time for her to come back out. I am done with petty stupid shit and lies. I am done.

You can talk all the shit you want of "Oh, she is so fat" or "She is so ugly" or "She thinks she is better than me" or "She thinks she is entitled"

Well guess what, Just by you talking that shit, makes me better than you.
Even on my worse day when I am so pissed off, I still hold my tongue and bite it till it bleeds to keep negativity away and out of my life. I don't do drama.
And the ONLY shit talking I do is to myself when I work out or when I play video games.


Bitches need to raise their fucking standards for themselves now a days.

I am not mother of the year, but I am one bad ass mama in my kids eyes.

So, I have recently gotten some back lash off of my little adventure to Memphis to see Machine Gun Kelly, and the fact that I let my kids listen to him. Last time I checked, I was the Mom that NEVER goes out. That is always with her kids. I do more finger painting and hide and seek playing then I do going out, so excuse me for enjoying ONE night. ONE night in many, many months where I can go and have an adult beverage and listen to some music and road trip it while laughing the whole time. I don't for a second take away from my children's childhood and I definitely DONT pawn them off on other people every chance I get. I actually need to PLAN my ONE night at least a month or two in avance. And who the fuck do people think they are judging me for the music I let my kids listen to?! Oh no, he curses. Well, dang, then my kids shouldn't listen to me either since I curse. Everyone raises their kids their own way. I raise mine to believe in their imagination, to play hard and to cuddle. I raise them to express themselves. My son plays his vita, his ps3, AND he still prefers to go outside and ride his bike or his power wheel or draw with chalk. TV and video games didn't ruin him, and letting him listen to MGK isn't going to ruin him either. SO what if my kid can rap along with one of his favorite artists? MGK isn't the ONLY music he listens to. He still loves jumping around to the Imagination Movers, and he likes to sing that dang Macklemoore song about shopping in thrift shops. He likes to "party rock" and shake his butt too. But, the look he gets when he vibes to MGK, and starts to rap to his favorite parts, that, that tells me I am doing a good job as a parent because he is able to express himself. He can listen to the music he wants, and I am not pushing him into anything. I was always pushed into things and I hated it. Everyone talks about raising better kids for the future and what they think it is. How about we let the kids pick something? Why cant we let them shape their future and us be there to support them when need be and help pick them up when they fall. Everyone worries about their kids growing up to be serial killers, and not enough worry that they are not letting their kids grow up to their fullest dreams. My little man right now wants to be a Super Hero. I made him a cape and told him he can touch the stars. Someone I know, their little boy said they wanted to be a lawyer, and all the mother said was "Don't set yourself up for failure. You don't know if you will be smart enough for that" .... EXCUSE ME. Why talk down to your kid like that??
LET THEM BE YOUNG
LET THEM HAVE IMAGINATIONS
AND FOR FUCKS SAKE,
Quit sweating the small shit.

If you think for ONE minute that when they get to school they will not be exposed to all these "bad" things, think again.

Our children will make their own choices as they get older.

Question is, are you going to support and help them grow, or are you going to stunt their growth and make them feel trapped.

Pictures

Somebody's got a case of the Mondays.

Somebody's
Got
A
Case
Of
The
Mondays.....
                                                                                                  and it's me.


Mondays suck anyway, but when you are a week away from April, and it is snowing, it sucks even more. Plus, there is nothing on TV for the littles. Since the older kids are on Spring Break, all of the usual Disney Jr shows we watch were cut short. Not that I mind, I can only handle so much Mickey and Doc McStuffins, etc. Its not like I care that I have to watch movies all day, my kids have a great selection of movies thanks to their Mimi.
Mondays are the longest day of the week. Josh works late and the littles get antsy for him to get home.
Monday means cleaning after a weekend of laziness. Man, I hate cleaning. It makes me wish there were robots who could clean and cook for us.
I have searched and searched everywhere for ways to make cleaning fun and make it seem less like a hassle and so far, total bust. Seems like the only "fun" thing about it is putting in my headphones and jamming to music. Even then it still sucks.

Only good thing about Mondays?
TV.
Bones.
The Following.
Bates Motel.

Yeah.

Cute

                                                    Oh my goodness. I love these boys.

I have lost my mind, and I'm pretty sure the kids took it.

So, I have been pondering over the past few days, "What do people want to hear about? Funny stories? Recipes? Cleaning? Adventures?" And I realized, there is no real set answer. So I am just going to wing it. Not sugar coat it, just be me, and if I get readers great, if not, then oh well.

So let me start with a simple introduction.

My name is Jacy and it is pronounced Jackie. I was born in 1988, so I am a young mom but
I am not your typical mom. I curse, I have tattoos, I am pierced and I am out spoken. I have two boys. Maddox Allen who was born on February 4th of 2009 and Reilly Cordell who was born February 4th of 2012. No, it was not planned. They might be exactly 3 years, 5 hours and 2 minutes apart but they could not be any more different. Maddox is my wild child, and Reilly is my old soul who is calm.

Now, when I say I have lost my mind and I am pretty sure the kids took it, it is simple. My kids, love their little hearts, know every which way to push Mommys buttons. Weither it is Maddox throwing a tantrum over me not getting him chocolate milk right at that minute, or Reilly refusing to take a nap, they know what to do to make Mommy crazy. I know, I know, how can your sweet blessings get the best of you?! Well, when you are with them pretty much 24/7 it is very possible. Im a stay at home mom. I live and breath my kids except for when they are sleeping. Between the kid music, the cartoons, the countless amount of laundry and washing sip cups and making dinner plus cleaning, I am surprised I am not a size 2!

We have a little puppy as well, his name is Max. He is an Aussie Shepard. He is a trouble maker but such a lover with the kids. He is 5 months old so he is still a baby himself.

Now, I don't want this to be a total Mommy blog, this will be more of a life blog. Yeah most of it will be about my kids, but I am going to blog about other things too. Adventures, recipes, the dog, house hunting, so much more too.

This is a short post, but as life goes, sometimes you just gotta post and run.
Hope everyone has a great Friday!