Life is complicated.

So, it has been a while since I have even accessed this blog.

Life has been a whirlwind to say the least.

Choices have been made and everything has changed.
I don't really like to post much on my personal life, just cause its not really meant to be public information. The choices I make are mine alone, and those that matter most to me, know those choices and have stuck by me and been an anchor to help keep me grounded even when I didn't think I could stay grounded.

But I will say this, being a young mother has taught me a few things. I have always wanted to have that "big girl" job and make steady money but sometimes, to be a better mother, you need to sacrifice what you think you want for what you need.
Sure ADT was a great job, but not one that fit what I needed, what my kids needed. My kids need their mother home with them during the day, and if that means, I go into the server lifestyle, than that's what I will do until both boys are steady in school. And so far, it has been very rewarding. I get to stay home with my boys till 4pm everyday, which means I get my cuddle time in the morning, get to make them both breakfast and lunch and I get to watch cartoons and play with them. Time with them is something that no amount of money could ever make me give up.

But its not even that, to keep my sanity I have learned to balance not only being a kick ass mother but also, still be able to be 25.
I have been able to have a social life, but still answer the call of my responsibilities of being a mother the next day. So after work, I now get to go out and be me, with the people that matter to me as well.


Life has a way of working itself out, and sometimes, the people you least expect to, show you the greatest lessons in life.

Cheerio Bandit

Looking at Daddy with the death stare...
Both Reilly and Maximus wanting some of his cheerios.
Maximus is the dog.. Lol
Reilly is the party animal 1 year old.

Its little moments like this I will miss when I am at work.

Not to mention late night walks with Maximus and Reilly because lord knows he will scream his head off if he isn't outside with us, that is unless he is asleep which strange enough his bed time is getting later and later not by our choice.

And Maximus, oh my Maximus, my shoe chewing spiteful Maximus who jumps in the bed with me after Josh leaves for work.

And My Maddox boy, begging for Mommy to read the Lorax to him. He doesn't show it much but I know he is going to miss me and I know I will miss him. And Ill miss hearing about his Skylanders and the movie he is watching or any other game he is playing.

My boys are my world. Sappy post, I know.

Today I sat and wrote all the numbers, info, tid bits, suggestions, etc to get through the day for Grandma aka GiGi.

Tomorrow starts the new chapter.
I start back to work after a 5 year break of being a stay at home mom.
I know Maddox is only 4 but I actually left work Nov 20th when I was still pregnant due to pre-term labor due to stress at work.

Soon we will be signing our lease, soon we will be moving, soon Mimi will be down here.

Things are looking up

How do I make the switch?

Okay, so tomorrow I do it. I take the plunge.
I am, after 5 years, going back to work.

I am going from full time stay at home mommy to now working full time mommy. This is one of the hardest transitions I can ever imagine. I am going to miss my boys so damn much it is crazy.
Yes they drive me bat shit crazy sometimes but god do I love those boys.
I don't even know where to begin with how to explain it to my oldest. Yeah he is in school three days a week but I know Monday and Tuesday he will be without me.

I know its not like I am going away forever but for him, he has never known me to work and Reilly is still so young.

I guess I will take it one day at time


Any advice?
Comment below

That Moment...

There comes a time in everyone's life when there is this "AH HA!" moment. Some bring good ah ha's, some bring bad ah ha's. Its all about how you go from that moment that means the most.

If it is health related, emotional related, etc - there are all different ways to deal with it. But you need to keep some fear in it all, but its also about picking yourself up and going "Okay. I got this" ; Even if it is the best ah ha moment you have had.

I have always had a dream of my life, I would go to college, get an amazing job, find the love of my life, get married, buy a house, have kids and live a happy life.
Well, college didn't happen. Got a good job, but ended up leaving said job because I got pregnant and became a full time mom. Things don't always go according to dreams and plans, and you have to learn to adjust to it, even if it breaks your heart or builds it up.

For the moments I have, good or bad, I can best get through them with writing and listening to music. A lot of my struggles and success do not get published. They are written but never published because sometimes the people who you think care the most about you are the ones who will stab you and smile at your struggles and frown on your success. Though, I know some of what I have gone through might help those who are going through the same thing, I have never really thought I could help anyone or guide anyone. Hell, I celebrate that the kids are still in one piece when I lay them down to bed every night.

My kids...
Oh my god my kids. Want to talk about a reason for being and living and striving to do the best you ever can? They are my reason. The sun rises and sets with them for me, and though they drive me absolutely nuts, I love them with every part of my being. That's another reason why I know I have to keep the "Okay, I got this" mentality. I refuse to fail them, though sometimes I know I do I always try not to. Sometimes a fail cannot be avoided, but I try my best and they still love me for it.

You need to keep all options open and move forward or change direction if a door gets slammed in your face.
I am not a very religious person for various reasons, but I know that there is a plan and you are strong enough to live the life you were given as long as you don't give up.

Well, I'm not giving up and I am holding my head high and pushing forward, no just for me, but mainly for my kids.

I will drive myself insane

Yes, Yes I am going to drive myself insane.
My build up in my mind is still so heavy, not to mention I am trying to move it out.
Music isn't helping, cooking isn't, baking isn't, writing isn't even helping.

I feel alone in my thoughts.

I am such a... Eh I dont even know

Okay, So I know I don't come off as the romantic type. Hell, I love video games, horror and action flicks, super heroes, etc. I am a tough ass mama bear and love my kids to death...but that doesn't mean that I don't have a romantic streak haha.
I know what you are thinking, "Okay, where is this going now"
Well, I don't know to tell you the truth.
I have been quite dizty here lately. A lot of random thoughts going in and out almost all day long.
So, Im just gunna type em out.
Here we go.

Why didn't I get a romantic recorded proposal? Oh yeah, that's right. Cause I never wanted one until I saw a ton of them being done.
Why am I such a city/jersey girl, but want a rustic, simple bbq wedding?
Why am I so desperate to have a baby girl?
Why do I get over worried about things?
Why is it when I sit down, I become maniac and need to get moving again?
Whyyyyy on earth do people see the need to insert themselves into my life to only screw me over?
Why do I forgive to easily?
Is common sense really that hard to come by?
WHYYYY ON GODS GREEN EARTH DOES EVERYONE THINK THAT EVERY MOTHER WANTS THEIR ADVICE WHEN THEY DONT EVEN HAVE KIDS?!
Why is it a problem that I swear in front of my kids?
Why give me dirty looks? It wont make you any prettier, or smarter, or thinner.
WHY try and out do me?
How can parents see something wrong with their kids but be SOOO self involved that they just let it go?
Why do you think I am stupid and don't know whats going on?
Why have kids if you don't wanna take care of them?

Oh, these are only some of the things rattling in my head right now.
There is more, but it delves into things that I don't feel like arguing about with ignorant people, not saying everyone is ignorant, and if anyone has any insight, Id love to hear it, but I know some people who get to hurt about what is posted even if their name isn't in it. I think that's a guilty conscious and usually I don't care if I hit a cord or offend someone, but...tonight...Just don't have the energy to deal with it.

Save Mr. Biggs

Save Mr. Biggs

This is for my cousin Matts best friend/dog/furrychild ; however you refer to your pet. To me, "pets" are family.